Filed under: Got Problems?
I just read my last post and I rejoiced, because I have grown so much since 3 months ago. I decided to make more responsible decisions. Using both the left (logical) side of my brain, and the (intuitive) right. Let me explain.
First and foremost, I cut that foolishness with my ex out. It was really the biggest waste of time and It wasnt worth the risk. Babies, disease, and permanence can result from those encounters, so I had to let that burn. Now when he calls, I just ignore him, or play him to the left. That door has officially closed. Also, nothing ever went down with skinny jeans thank god. Further review confirmed my previous notions that he wasnt worth the previously mentioned consequences either, but moreover, his sexy wasnt certifiable. I caught him looking quite scraggly one too many times and his hair line needs work. Its one thing to battle with nature, but it is another to see that she is winning and do nothing about it. MEN, when it comes to that hair… Cut it low or let it go. Thus, once again I dodged a bullet.
Lately, I have been doing my best to act responsibly. Make good choices, weigh the consequences, take calculated risk. However, with responsibility comes normalcy and boredom. Not really boredom, but protocal.I have been actively investing the majority of my time in being productive. I try very hard to shield myself from distractions that throw me off course, but they still come nevertheless. My latest distraction has come in the form of my friends getting married and me getting older.
I have two former roomates getting married within the next two months and now it is getting very clear that I have to be extremely cautious when it comes to the men I am spending my time with. There is no room for fuck buddies and frivolous relationships when something serious and cemented needs to be getting cultivated right about now. If Im 25 and I want to be married by 30 ,I have to look at my time table. If I date for a year and get engaged for a year, pencil in miscellaneous time elapsing to plan the wedding, essentially I have a 3 yr window to land my husband. So any fledging friendships and potential mates need to be getting screened right about now, cause I got about 4 years till D-day.Damn
Right now, I have 3 pots on the stove. None of them have truly started to boil. 1 cat, we’ll call SR, for speed racer, is a guy I work with, he is a different nationality and the same age as me. I am attracted to his ambition and our obvious differences. How can I ever get bored with another culture I know nothing about? Plus, he dated this older woman we work with , and I am soooo curious as to how he bagged her! Door #2 is another guy I work with (yes, we have good stock in the workplace). He is really smart and talented. Not really my type in the looks department but his intellect and overall build will do. He is the type you marry. He is respectable, a provider, a old school cave man. We will call him, Wifey. Contestant #3 is the wildcard. Always gotta have one of those. He is younger than me and fine as hell. He got this walk to him that just looks like he will lay some shit down! He is definitely not marriage material …right now. He is still a kid. However, the kid is the one putting in the most work. Our attraction is apparent. I exhale when I see his ass. He just sexy. He has told me numerous times what he wants to do to me…and that is precisely the problem.
See the old me would just give in to the fire in my belly and do what it do and worry about the rest later but this older and more focused me knows that I cannot waste anytime on short term gratification. I have to sacrifice the quick fix for the slow burn. Besides, his young ass isn’t even following the dater’s handbook. I know if a man wants you, he bust his ass to see you, and this guy communicates alot, and sees me in the office alot… but has yet to ask me out. Therefore he is in the picture, but his shit is getting blurry and will very soon be discarded. Out of the whole litter he is obviously the one that has my attention. We will call him BS, for bullshitter.
All 3 of these cats are still in the preliminaries. No one has really taken anything to the next level. Until then, I will just play the background and try to stay focused. But when they do decide to turn it up…and they will. I will be ready
Filed under: Got Problems?
Have you ever taken the time to think about all the horrible and crazy encounters that you have ever endured in your entire existence, and wondered what sparked the occurence? I bet majority of them can be attributed to the effects of boredom. The birth of a child, a stint in a jail cell, random pictures on the internet of you in a random position, promiscuity, and stupidity. What do they all have in common? Boredom probably started the whole ordeal. Lets delve further…
Recently I started sleeping with one of my ex bf’s and it is totally for no damn reason. I dont even come ya’ll. Let me repeat that,” I dont even come”. I am not into him, haven’t been since 2006, yet here I am having very active and vigorous sessions with him , just because. He lives close to the house (like up the street), and he is still fairly cute, but I am so not into him. The only time I talk to him is to get him to the crib so I can sweat a little and then he goes home. It has even gone as far as us both texting other people while being in bed with eachother. I can appreciate our friendship, we talk alot, so the sex is just a bonus…for him (remember I have yet to come). But I always think about it, like our situation is so lame because it is, what it is. We always laugh about it on the phone the next day and I must admit, we our eachothers default drunk dial. Calls in the wee hours of the a.m. on either end always get answered and tended too. A weird loyalty perhaps, but dumb nonetheless.
Then there is internet chatting. I have had the most boringest conversations on facebook these last couple days via the bloop. People are just scaling the ‘whose online’ box and picking a winner. That winner always happens to be me, I see. And we commense to talk about absolutely nothing.
Even my LD started as a random bloop,and end up turning into more, but I will say, we talk on friday nights so instead of being out and about in the real world, we would rather stay home and yakkity yak…Or maybe we both are losers and have nothing else to do, so he calls and I accept. Whatever’s clever.
I also have this friend that I went to school with. He is like 3 or 4 yrs younger than me, and cute ass shit, with a little weirdosity to him. He one of those skinny jeans wearing, big ass hole in his ear type dudes. Well anyway, he just moved to LA, so I been using him as my designated boredom buddy. Only thing is he is really flirty, and I feel like I am gonna fuck around and fuck him on accident. I know I dont want to, cause who wants to have sex with someone and not get called back. Friends or not, I know I cant handle sex rejection, so I dont jump into those weird sex situations. BUT, my current status of single and constantly posted/bored is sending out ’sex me’ vibes and they keep centering on him. Whats even more worse is that he is friends with a lot of my ‘ahem’ friends. Meaning I have fucked two of his friends. Not on purpose though. I had no idea that they knew eachother like that. But somehow in this last 4 years I slept with too totally different people who just so happened to find eachother and make friends after the fact and now, we have the 3rd musketeer entering the scene. And now that I think about it- his buddy, we will call 7T (seven times), called me during the xmas holiday after stalking my myspace page and that turned into a short fling. And the other guy, we will call BB (best bud) ,that went down after I drunk a whole bottle of wine. Once again boredom prevails, hot diggity damn. Or maybe this post should be about alcohol.Hmmm
As you can see I have several reasons for not allowing myself to be left in a room alone with this friend of mine and some liquor. Especially with that target on his back. We will call him SJ, for skinny jeans. I wonder how hard it is to get those kind of jeans off? Me and him are going out tomorrow to do god knows what.
Let us pray
Filed under: Got Problems?
Its already hard enough getting some D.I (you know what that stands for) in your vicinity, let alone in your city, but dosh garnett why does the goodies have to recide on the other side of the country! Why cant I find somebody I like in my own backyard, instead of them having to to be whole tank of gas, or a plane ride away. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…
So last time I checked I had 3 guys in the mix. OM, my older man whom I recently let go, who still calls me and text me asking me out to dinner and trying to big kick it like we didnt just fall off a cliff. I swear, some dudes be killing me with that whole, if a couple days have passed I’m gonna act like shit didn’t happen bull. He bought me a whole pearl set for Vday and asked me out to dinner at around 6pm, like fool are you serious. You wanna go out with me, you need to book me in advance. What planet he step off of? Why is the concept excaping his reality, I broke up with his ass ya dig, he need to deal with it. He living in this dreamworld like we still down and I’m gonna just jump at the chance to hang out with him. Not goin happen.
Then there was BA, my buff ass man, the professional boxer. He was referred to me as a client from FZ, friend zone, who has been trying for years to get on. Unfortunately, I’m sorry to report, but BA’s performance has been lackluster thus far. He texted me on valentines day like at 830, fool is you crazy. He didnt even get a response, I poofed begone that shit. Then I was on his side of town (like 45mins from my city, arrgh) at a business meeting, and I offered to sit down with him and complete his financial plan earlier than scheduled, and he caught an attitude! Talking about he cant find the time, which is a.k.a for I lied about how much I was bank rolling and cant start saving no money with you like I said I would. Right now he is somewhat on timeout, he got about another week before I- X him out of the game. May the force be with him cause he is cute as hell.
Last but not least I got my LD, long distance boo that stays up in Maryland. He had been falling off because he had start just texting me here nad there saying how he missed me blah blah, but wasnt calling. I know the game, so I figured he lost interest in the countrywide chase and moved on. But low and behold, last night while I was out entertaining another dude (he’s not important so he shall remain nameless) my LD called me and left a message. Then today he blooped me on facebook and we talked and then he said he would call me and he did. We sat on the phone for hours. He is on a business trip in Alabama with his company and he spent the 2 nights there trying to call me. I just got back enrolled ya’ll. We had the coolest conversation and I just like him. He is sweet and honest and he is slowly but surely geeking me up inside, I will be so happy when he makes the trip down here to see me. He wont be staying over here but I will be elated no doubt. Now all he gotta do is ask to visit. We havent got to that part yet, but we will.
Now in other horrible news, I been bangin my ex back out. He live up the street from me and the temptation to smash is just to much to bear in these harsh single times. So Im hittin till further notice. Dont hate me, hate the lames.
Im out
Filed under: Got Problems?
Remember how it used to be, back in the day? You meet a guy, he gets your number, he calls you. That was it. You knew that he liked you because he called you all the time. When he stopped calling you, it was either he wasn’t feeling you anymore, or he was at your house feeling you up. There was no confusion, you knew what it was hitting for. Now we have the phone, texting, instant messaging, email, myspace, facebook, face to face contact, and good old fashioned paper mail. There are so many different ways to holler at somebody now! How in the world are we supposed to figure out what someone’s real intentions are? I am no expert but here is my attempt at decoding the mystery. Lets begin.
When I was in highschool, I had this boyfriend. He used to call me everyday and we would stay on the phone all damn night, knowing we had to get up and go to school the next day. Then I had this friend of mine, that I had a ridiculous crush on, and he used to page me all the time , and I would call him back on the pay phone, a freakin payphone okay! Then there was my other boyfriend that used to work at Kmart and he didn’t have a cellphone so he would call me from Kmart and then call me from his house phone when he got off work. Then when I got to college, there was this guy from philly I dated who use to call me, chirp me (nextel walkie talkie function), text me, everyday and sometimes he would show up outside my classes to give me a ride home from school even though I stayed on campus, up the street in the dorm. Then the boyfriend after that, who went to a school in another state, called me twice a week for several months until I became his girlfriend. Notice the trend here? These cats was feeling me! Then around 2006, the game changed.
Now I was getting texted, more than called. Having 1000 word conversations via text when a simple phone call would suffice. This is when I upgraded to a pda for the touch screen and keyboard functions. I now enjoyed typing rather than talking, and I noticed my suitors did too. My then boyfriend would rather leave me a myspace message than call me. WTF. So I added the internet to my phone plan. Now I could stalk his page and see exactly when he got on the computer and line it up with what time he got off work. Or better yet, I can see when he was currently online…and currently not talking me.
I am not sure when the breakdown begin, but dammit I have been getting hoodwinked. Getting a genuine phonecall in this day and age is hard, when you can simply get a message dropped in your inbox, or a pop up screen can appear out of nowhere (and not get ignored, cause that person KNOWS your ass is in front of your computer). I am no stranger to this process though. The only time I call somebody is if I need assistance like right now. Anything else gets typed. I rarely call anybody ever and now I can see why my ass doesn’t get called. Eureka
See, if someone calls you, that is a kind of a big deal. When someone drops you a note or text you, your importance gets diminished. Sometimes it can be a simple fyi or a “hey, I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you. But if you are constantly reminding me that you are thinking about me, but your thoughts never overwhelmed you to the point of calling and asking to see me, then I guess you wasn’t thinking about me as much as you said.
Here is my communication analysis. If you are getting called, texted, requested for face to face time, and occasionally hit up elsewhere, then you are in the game. You are at a level 10. If you are getting regular phonecalls and text but no dates, then there is a problem. Talking and what not can pass the time and relinquish boredom in some cases, but if this caller isn’t trying to see you, then its not that deep. Maybe they are broke or something or there house is lame. I give this a level 7-8, but if it goes on longer than 2 weeks then you are at a level 6. If you only get text messages and online chatter, you are just someone they are comfortable saying shit to, meaning, they know you will always reply to an inquiry. You are a safe temporary entertainment option. They probably always check your page to see what you been doing cause they know you like that, but it means nada. You are at level 4. If you only get one of these, either a text here and there, or a online message once in a while, you are so not a big deal. This is level 2. If you dont get hit up ever. Then you aint shit…at least to them that is.
I have a couple of characters that I would like to holler at me. But I also realize that any lack of communication is a direct indicator of a lack of interest on their part and an absence of constant thoughts of me. So as much as I would like the attention, I am at peace knowing that I dont really want anybody that doesn’t really want me. Hence, my findings do protest that , I am not that hot right now.
Ain’t that a bitch.
Filed under: Men
I am an avid reader. As of lately, I have been extremely interested in personal development and self-help literature. I recently read Steve Harvey’s new book, ‘Act like a lady, Think like a Man”, and it advised women to ask themselves and potential mates certain questions, to cut out all the confusion and heartache that goes with this elusive love thing. I decided to go through them and give my thoughts. Lets go…
Steve believes you should lay out your requirements from jump, but in order for you to know what the hell you require, you need to answer some questions first.
1. What specific kind of man are you looking for?
I want a man who has charisma and personality for days. His own special sense of humor so we can have inside jokes. An ambitious man with a game plan to conquer the world. A man who actively seeks growth, who is not set in stone, and always open to new ways of interpreting his and our existence. A certified original. A man I find attractive. A man who stays current and relavent. A man with the mind of a king.
2. How do you expect to be pursued?
I want a man to call/contact me and want to see me on a regular basis. Regular means when our schedules permit, but not like everyday. A couple times a week maybe. I want him to put together innovative date/adventures for us to embark on. When I say innovative, I mean different then the usual dinner and a movie. The usual is cool, but I need the latter to be infused as well. I just want an effort made on my part. A genuine effort to impress me. No matter how small the gesture, any well thought out gesture will be appreciated. I will expect him to pay most of the time, but once in a while I will kick in.
3. What level of commitment do you expect?
I expect it to be just general open dating until we agree that we want it to be more.
4. What kind of financial security do you expect this man to have?
I expect him at minimum to be able to take care of the necessities of being a man. His own place, car, bills paid on time, maintenance (haircuts, clothes, shoes, etc.) and money left over to save and date me properly. What ever income level that is, depends on his personal expenditures. Rich would be nice, but capable will do just fine.
5. Do you want a man who wants kids and is family oriented?
Yes, just as long as he doesn’t want the family right now!
6. Does he have to be religious/spiritual?
No, but he has to believe in, and/or be appreciative to, and/or held accountable to, some type of higher power or law.
7. Do you mind if he’s a divorce’ or has kids/
Yes, but if I like him enough, maybe I can deal with it. I will cross that bridge when I get there, hopefully I won’t get there though!
8. Can you help a man build his dream? Can you adapt to his plan.
Absolutely, and I would appreciate it, if he was down to do the same with me.
9. What do you expect of his family?
I just want to genuinely like his family and not feel weird around them. I would like to fall in with them, real easily. His relationship with his mother, I am realizing is very important. But I can’t fault him for his reasons for not feeling her, if I feel they are valid. As for his relationship with his father, I don’t know. I don’t truly have one with mine, so I cant really say anything about that now can I.
10. What should he be willing to do to woo you?
Any and everything, but mostly just get creative, that wins me over everytime.
Steve believes the following questions should be asked before the first date…damn Steve
1. What are your short term goals?
If he doesn’t have a plan, run. If, he does, ask him to elaborate and see what he is currently doing to implement it.
2.What are your long term goals?
If his long term is the same as his short term, run. See how well he has researched and mapped it out and if you can see yourself in it.
3.What are your views on relationships?
His relationship with his mother, dad, family in general. His views on marriage and kids. Religion. If they differ drastically from your own, run.
Steve says ask these after you have been dating a little while, but before you have sex
4.What do you think about me?
He is going to say generic ish to make you feel good. Make him site specific reasons or instances to back up his claims. If he cant, run boo.
5. How do you feel about me?
Not to be confused with ‘think’. This makes him dig into the greasy unknown that is a man’s emotions. See if he will get gushy for you and make you feel wonderful, and if he can’t, you might want to run.
Enjoy
You ever have that guy that you really like, but just can’t see a future with, because of all that comes with him? All his circumstances, keep you from fully committing, because you know that those attributes, irk the shit out of you. I am in several circumstance dilemma’s right now, and I am debating whether I am being logical, realistic, or just plain ol’ picky. Let’s discuss…
First is OM. He is my Older Man that I really like and appreciate, but just can’t commit to. Why? Because he has an ex- wife and kids, and too many responsibilies. I told him that this fucked with me in the beginning, but boo use to be a lawyer, and he spinned that shit and negotiated my ass into a relationship with him. It would always bug me that I was not a priority. I was so many notches down in the food chain and I just didn’t like it. So shoot me if I want to be the apple in my man’s eye. If I want to be 2nd to god, in whats important in his life, why can I not have that? I would do it for him. His obligation to take care of everybody before me, just soured me to the possibility of being the princess to this king. I also really have a need to build. I am obsessed with growth. And I would love to have someone to build a life with, where we experence life’s blessings together, for the first time. He has already did all the major life shit. Plus, he already knows what he wants, becuase he has already had it before. Its nothing for him to just usher me into that slot. I, on the other hand, am not ready to just shack up and do the marriage thing. I keep telling him the truth about how I really feel, and he keep pursuing me and rallying for his cause anyway. All I can do, is all I can do.
Second is LD. My Long Distance sweetie. I use to have a thing for this sexy thang when I was in college, and now he just walked back into my life. He is just the cutest thing ever. Eyes, teeth, smile, dimples, geez. His issue is that he lives in fucking Maryland and he has a young child with some chick from Philly. Now don’t get me wrong, he is a educated man that made a mistake and had unprotected sex with a girl he wasn’t that serious about and it resulted in a beautiful little boy. However, that thrashes my vision of building a life brand new with someone! He already did the baby thing, so there goes one significant life incident already in the bag. Boo to that! The problem is, I think I really like dude, even though we have only the phone and online picture gallery to keep eachother interested. I think this falls into the fairytale, movie type romance section in my mind and that’s why he even made the page. Whatever.
Then, there is the newest guy on the scene. We will call him Buff Ass. Why? Because he is a boxer, and his body is ridiculous. I met BA through one of my clients. And its funny cause, the client has been trying to date me for like 2 years but hasn’t figured out that I am just not into him like that. He has a great personality, but the physical chemistry is just not there and I really need that component in any dating endeavor I get into. Anyway, he referred his friend to me to help him with his finances because he just signed a boxing contract. Well, I guess ol’ boy wasn’t even thinking when he sent this cub into the lions den, because his boy looked good as hell! Chocolate Thunder. And he didn’t waste no time telling me how cute I was and how he wanted to take me out. Now here are BA’s issues. He is like 2-3 yrs younger than me. I’m a mindset girl, so age is purely measured by how the person thinks and I will say that he seemed very mature for his age. But after being with a 41yr old and appreciating all the wisdom that comes with that, to drop down to the lower end of the spectrum is at best, a potential headache. He lives an hour away from me, but he has a house so at least he is trying to be upwardly mobile. Also, when I asked him about his future goals, he said he wanted kids, but no wife. Now I don’t know if this was dumb youngness speaking or true feelings, but lord knows my ass is getting married one day. Not sure about kids as of yet, but I know either way, marriage will come before the thought of some damn kids. Moreover, he is friends with (lets call him friend zone) my client and I don’t know how that will feel to FZ if he finds out his boy got on. Especially, since I been ducking and dodging his ass for years. Telling him I am too busy and focused to date him (bullshit) and then out of nowhere I am dating his friend. But then again, we ain’t never did shit and have always been on the friend tip. So he basically has no argument. This thang hasn’t even formerly started. He texted me a couple times, but hasn’t fully started the great chase, so we will stay tuned to see if he even gets to the next post.
The question is, is my want for someone, with no kids or major past obligations, a strong physical attraction, within a close vicinity of me, and similar goals, unrealistic for a 25yr old in Los Angeles? I don’t think I am asking for much. I am not saying he has to have this and that, I would simply just like him NOT to have this and that. Is it really impossible to find someone I like that fits that description? I dont think so, 25yr olds usually dont have those issues. Age doesn’t really matter as long as I am attracted to him, and he doesnt have the past stuff, and he lives within the area, and we are on the same page with what direction we want our life to go in.
Am I asking for too much?
Filed under: Got Problems?
I have been trying to be more consistant with my post, but what I realized is that the average blogger must have a 9-5 or something, where they sit in front of a computer all day and have nothing better to do, then read blogs and write their own, cause I can’t find the time to do this shit!
I decided this year, to try to adopt some new habits and now I am going to attempt to get up early in the morning and blog after taking a morning walk. Lets see what develops…better yet, lets see if I actually get up!
Now on to the topic:
You ever just want some damn change? Some people hate change, they want the same ol’ thang, day in and day out. Me on the other hand, I love a new adventure, I love not knowing what the heck is gonna happen next. Lately I been itching for some new new and as of January, I am officially looking for a new ride. A new man to ride that is. Not in a raunchy sex way, but in a new adventure kind of way. I have been on and off with my older man since maybe June of 08′ and as much as we have our good times, we have our bad times, and I think our time has come. What we now have is just a classic case of trying to fit a square into a circle. And its just not working.
You see, there are instances were, if you keep forcing a square to fit into a circle, at some point, it will. All the pushing and pressure will eventually wear down the sharp edges and dull out the points, and with enough prodding, the square will slide right in. But do you wonder what happens to the square during this process? Well, It gets worn the fuck out, thats what! It looses its edge, its individuality, its initial shape, and ultimately, its identity. Because now, it is not what it once was, it is what YOU wanted it to be.
That scenario is what I feel is happening in our relationship right now. We are constantly clashing because my shape is not ready, and willing to conform to his. I would like to consider it, simply bad timing. Everything in life is all about timing right, and I think right now is not our time. I cannot give him what he wants because I am still trying to figure out what I want. So, we (I) decided that we needed to go “off” again… until further notice.
So I am officially single again, and it feels really good. This process usually consist of me doing what the hell I usually do (when I’m coupled up), except I’m not checking in and reporting my whereabouts, or trying to find stuff for “us” to do. Now all my time is allocated to me…and the gate is open for all applicants. Here we go.
During my first week of me-ness (about 3 weeks ago) I encountered the usual barage of activity that follows my re-introduction to the land of the free. Of course, all the damn exes swarmed in- SIDEBAR-I used to talk about one of them in previous post and he committed suicide shortly after christmas last year, he will be forever missed, and I will always love him for the chapter he wrote in my life-NOW BACK TO THE POST- I think my ex-mess (catchy term I’m using to encompass all ex- boyfriends and random dudes that pursued me and were unsuccessful), have some type of radar. Its like they be waiting in the bushes for me to flip the porch light on, and say I’m home, because they always come out the woodwork when I am available again!
It goes a little something like this, the usual suspects (ex-messes) do what they usually do…try to big kick it. And maybe in another life, they would have a chance, but they always make the usual mistake of…coming from a place of entitlement. You see, they feel like since we were together before, that it should be nothing for them to just slide back into their previous position, with out doing any work. When will these silly rabbits learn, that once you get eXed out the game that you have to start back over at square one. Yes, this time the process may go faster (because of the familiarity), but alas, kind sir, the process must still go on!
Anyhoo, one night I was on the net , and out of nowhere, I get “blooped”. You know that chat box that pops up when someone wants to talk? Well, it made this blooping sound, so I named it that (fuck ya’ll if you dont like the name). Anyway, the blooper was this dude I used to have a crush on when I was in college. It was never nothing major, just a couple hard stares here and there, but I always thought dude was sexy as shit, and low and behold, here he was. On a boring friday night, as I waited for my old car to come through, a new car rolls up and honks the horn. Good shit
We commense to have a really entertaining and interesting conversation that consist of him getting my number and me finding out, about all the scratches in his candy apple paint. First of all, this man lives in Maryland (I live in LA) but I already knew that from jump, so that was no biggie. The kicker however, was the fact that he has a baby with a girl who lives in Philly. The car has stalled before I even got to drive it. Damn
As soon as I get a brand new set of keys, they get snatched away by circumstance! I mean, come on! I can’t really look too much into the maybeness of our future, seeing as how it’s long distance AND he got a baby! Can’t a sister dream for 2 seconds before it gets blasted to all hell! You know how hard it is to genuinely like somebody? To get the butterfly feeling when their number pops up on the caller ID! I haven’t truly liked liked somebody since my ex J (RIP) and now I can’t like this one.
He called a few days after the initial exchange and I finally answered (I had avoided his previous calls). It was a great conversation and it lasted all night. I got to know him a little better and decided it wouldn’t hurt to entertain the idea of the long distance baby daddy adventure. No I don’t expect it to turn into a real relationship but I do expect us to have some great times. Besides, the whole thing happening depends solely on him and his efforts. If he stops calling, oh well. If he flys out here and starts to really pursure me, movie style, that would be fun. Who knows, maybe he will be one of the great ones. Another chapter in my book.
Time will only tell if (let’s call him LD) survives. I wish him luck.
This was a entry I left on Single Black Male.net, responding a question about Relationship Amnesia…Talk about it
How hilarious is this!
I literally just experienced this, this morning!
So I’m dating this older man right, we had recently broke up like 2 months ago, and got back together last week. We are communicators so we had this 3 hour convo about how the relationship was gonna be different this time around. This was the most crystal clearish relationship do’s and don’t conversation ever in the history of relationship conversations.We left no stone unturned, no gray area, he knew EXACTLY what it was hitting for this time around…
Approxiamately 36 hrs later I have a function at my house. It was me and my young ass friends having an ol’ skool kid and play house party. This was planned before me and him got back together and I had already told him about it during that extra fucking clear convo mind you.
The next day(last night) I call him and tell him to come chill with me. The whole day we posted, cooking dinner, watching movies, cuddled up…all that. He leaves at like 2am. Around 4am this fool, texting me about how I’m taking him for granted because I didn’t invite him to my party! This 41 yr old,divorced, father of 3 is bugging out and whining because he didnt get to come to my ghetto ass 21yrs and older party! The oldest person there was like 27. Talking bout he felt left out. WTF is this 9th grade in-crowd bullshit. My eyes popped out my head.
He was harboring these feelings the whole damn day yesterday while he was bunned up with me just to let it explode at 4am. We commense to have the stupidest knock out drag out fight for about 2 hours on the phone about this clown feeling LEFT OUT. It ended with him slipping and calling me a bitch and me telling him to kick rocks and hanging up in his face. I then power my cell phone off.
About 30 minutes ago I hear my name being yelled from outside my damn house. This fool standing outside yelling in the rain. Lord jesus I sure know how to pick him. I didnt even know he had the capacity to be this lame.
Long story short (kinda late for that right!), he just left my house (like seriously, he just left, like right now, present time). He was apologizing blah blah, said he didnt mean it, it was the frustrations talking, told me I had been right from jump and that he was wrong boo hoo. Was trying to take me to Pann’s for breakfast but I declined. I was physically drained ya’ll. These the same dumb ass scenarios I have with the idiots my age. Is there no hope. Are all men insecure fucks, no matter what the age and demographic?
A Do over. One Mo Gin’. Shoulda Coulda Woulda. If I knew then, what I know now… All theses sayings birthed from the process of second chances. The one that got away, or the one that ran away…just to eventually run right back into you. That twinge of curiousity that creeps up into your subconscious when you see that certain someone again and wonder, what if. That moment you have after another romance/relationship fails and you wonder what so and so is doing. Wonder if maybe, things would be different because you guys have gotten older, wiser, time has passed, wounds have healed, things have been forgiven or forgotten…hopefully. What is the science behind, trying to give IT one more shot, when IT originally was shot to hell. Lets talk about it.
I made a bunch of changes recently. I ended a relationship with an older man for something real stupid. I just wanted to be free all of a sudden. So I broke out. Then I started and promptly ended a sorta kinda maybe relationship with a dude that lives in my building. I met and had a really wild and retarded evening with a really cute cat that waited 2 weeks to contact me again. Too long. I considered, then immediately reconsidered hanging out with two of my exes (aint enough boredom in the world to make me even think of letting them think they getting a round 2). And I reintroduced myself to the Los Angeles social scene.
I just hit 25 and I am appreciating the growth and change that comes with becoming an adult, so clubbing and things in that realm are just a big ol’ turn off now. I only go for special occasions and events. I am into lounges and chill out functions, house parties, kick backs, get togethers, network gatherings, mixers, shit like that. Cant stand the damn club (see Love in the club post).
Upon re-entry to the social scene, the first man I meet is another oldie. 39, professional, no kids, no ex wife, no nothing. The red flag raises. How is it possible he is basically 40 and he hasnt done the white picket fence deal? What is wrong with this man that he has managed to dodge the basics of adulthood? By the end of the night, he was all in my face, swearing that I could be the one to turn it all around. He calls me 1 week later. Too Long. The grass is not green. As a whole, all the men that I have met and all the ones I swore I loved before, leave much to be desired. This small sebatical, back into singledom was very eye-opening. It aint shit out there. Decisions. Decisions. I decided to call my old man back.
I had been missing him but didnt really want to give in to it. I initiated the unwarranted break up, so my pride didnt want to admit the mistake. But what I have come to notice, is that “breaks” are great injections to rocky relationships. Taking sometime off and playing the field is sometimes exactly what you need to appreciate what it was that you had. I would even go as far as to suggest people do these “time outs” on a regular basis. Whether declared or not. Whether he/she knows that you are doing a field study or not. Getting a temporary reminder once in a while about how good you have it is key to not taking the one your with for granted. It is also a good way to figure out why it is that you are really with someone.
Their are several people I know in dead-end/dumbass relationships just to be in one. They dont want to be lonely, they want a designated movie buddy, they claim the sex is soooo good, so they are willing to be unhappy and unfulfilled most of the time, just to have somebody to kick it with. Is it just me, or do my nuts disappear when I’m pissed the fuck off. I dont get horny when my needs aren’t being met. Them nipples go flat when my man aint busting his ass to give me what I want. Dry dicks be in abundance when Im mad. I guess I’m different? These excuses are something else. Whatever it takes to create a distraction.
The real question is what is so hard about being alone? I love having time to myself to just do me. Love not having to be cute and entertaining to my company. Having to compromise and take another muthafuckers’ feelings and opinions into consideration before making a choice. I feel having ’somebody’ should just be the sprinkles on top of the cake you already made. The cake goin be banging regardless…but the sprinkles give it that extra kick.
After being single for about 2 months and seeing whats out there, I came to appreciate my older man. He never let not one day pass that he didnt let me know how much he cared about me and wanted to do whatever he had to do to make me happy and get me back.
3 different throwbacks tried to get back in the game, and I was promptly reminded why I wasn’t with they ass no more. Isn’t it absolutely crazy, how when you are with someone, you are so enthrawled and blind to their faults and what not. But once you cross over to the other side and see them for what they truly are…and they aint shit in the city…your like,” what the fuck was I thinking?” Thank god for birth control and condoms. I couldnt imagine having a permanate reminder of the bullshit I used to be into! I look at these losers and just thank the heavens I dropped them when I did. I also look at the state of dating these days. I met 3 new dudes and almost all of them waited 1-2 weeks to holler back. Now, maybe they are just not that into me, which is cool, or maybe they are extra busy, which is cool too, or maybe they already got another life, girlfriends, boyfriends,wives and kids and were just getting my digits for sport. Whatever the reason, the simple fact that there was not a sense of urgency on their part to get to know me, leaves me uninspired to let them. So shoot me if I want the person that I spend my precious time with, life with, body with, to be obsessed with me. To believe that I am one of the greatest gifts to the planet. I would like to think that everyone would want the person their with to feel the same way about them. My older man made me feel that way, so I gave him a do over.
Hindsight is truly 20/20.
Filed under: Got Problems?
Man, everybody knows since the beginning of time that you are not supposed to shit where you eat, mix business with pleasure, or in this case, mix building with pleasure. Lets talk about it.
It was a sunday and I had just got back from church, I was looking quite hot. I park , walk into my building and right there in front of me is this dude trying to get into the gate. Im not sure if his key wasnt working or if he was a cold stone killer, but I let his cute butt in anyway. Everybody got to die someday.
We get on the elevator, and I lay on the charm, by the end of the 5 second ride, I knew his whole life story and he barely knew which unit I stayed in. Bait? Maybe.
By the next day, there was a note on my door from him wanting to hang out. Left me his number AND email address. My first instinct was to let it go, yeah it was a cute romantic gesture, but lord knows I dont want no drama at the crib. I get to my office, and I am still toying with the idea of causing some ruckus. What could it hurt (a whole lot) to acknowledge the man?
I shoot a simple text message and after a few exchanges, dag gonnit, he impressed me. In all the the places in all of the world, why did a prospective candidate have to live two floors up. Immediately I decided to cut it short. I couldnt really remember what he looked like. I knew he was cute, but was he cute-cute? Was he worth me looking into? Was he worth me risking my privacy and ease in the bldg? No longer would I ever be able to look a fool while Im washing clothes or getting the mail. Now I always gotta look good. Was he worth the pressure?
I figured, No. So I disappeared on his ass. Didnt answer his calls, all that. But then, Obama hit. I needed to vote early and I needed somebody to vote with. He was just one elevator ride away. Choices. To call or not to call. I called. We went. We had a great time, a great lunch. He is even more smart and impressive than I thought. Am I fucked? YEs
So goes the tale, as much as I tried to resist, here we are kicking it. He coming over for dinner, we watching Chris Rock, this is all bad. We have the talk. We are aware that we are dating other people. Choices. Friends or lovers? Keep it PG and platonic or risk it and have the great building love affair and watch it crash and burn (it always does). We decide to be responsible and choose to be friends. Bullshit.
Just like in the movies, we were together again the next day, all over eachother by the night. Just couldnt help it. I knew better. If this was any other man, he wouldnt have had a chance. I would never had allowed him to see me so much or been so available. But man, he knew when my ass was home, our parking spaces are parallel, we were even born in the same month, lovely libras, aint that a bitch. And did I mention how sexy he is. Darn. Always just an elevator ride away, I wasnt equipped for a scenario like this. All the self control in the world, didnt prepare me for this struggle.By the next day, he introducing me to his friends, invited me to come to work with him and watch Obama take the presidency. We experienced history together. Hung out all night. Followed each other home. Literally. Stayed in the elevator like 10 minutes. Nobody wanted to press the button.Nice.
This whole time, I know that what I am doing is wrong. I am throwing myself into this liability. What if I have company and he sees me. Ouch. What if I see him and his company. Muthafucka. What if we lose interest (which is inevitable at the rate we going) and we still have to see eachother. What if he loses interest and I turn into the psycho girl in his building, or vice versa. Not worth it.
In an effort to do damage control, I start ignoring him. Futile. We was out again two days later. This shit is like a fat girl and a diet. Its so hard not to take the next cookie when the cabinet is wide open! I know that at some point this must stop. I have to control this. So, I elect to disappear on him and interestingly enough, he does the same. We dont talk for about a week and the bomb drops. A text message in the treo. From him. What do I do? I dont answer. Two days later. I’m at his crib and we reach the point of no return. Friends or lovers? Up until this point we (I) had been very cautious to make sure that nothing binding (sexplay) ever occured. But on this night for whatever reason, the rules had changed. It was hot and heavy and a decision needed to be made. To hit or not to hit. Red or green pill. The same caveats remained. He already has girls he frequents, I have mine. We live in the same building, and park in the same slot. We obviously have a ridiculous attraction to eachother but, all that other stuff is ridiculous as well. Choices.Pull the trigger or walk away. We decide to walk.
To this day, I hope to not see him. I pray his car is not there, when I park, and curse at the air, when it is. I feel like he can see through the floors. I wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him. A phase perhaps. If I would have met him in a different situation, I probably wouldnt even like him. Probably. We still talk, but only about business (we have similar lives).But for the most part, we act like it never happened. Its like we never met. Its weird, its sad. It is, what it is.
Filed under: Got Problems?
I have been MIA for a hot second working on other business ventures. The holidays have slowed down production, so now I have time for my first love…writing.
While away I was blessed/cursed to be pursued and somewhat captured by an older man. Stats? Handsome when he wants to be, business suit wearer, 6 figure earner, charismatic, funny, confident, Denzel without the Denzel, legally separated from the misses, 3 kids, two are basically grown, the other still a kid, he just became a grandpa, he covers about 3 mortgages, 3 car notes, still takes care of everybody, but alas he is with me.
We met in the workplace, and it was game on. Expensive dinners, fantasy dates, trips here and there, the life right? No. The thing about men in general is that are all the same. Some have gray hair and some dont, some got money in the bank, and some dont. At the end of the day, its the same damn thing. The same irritating as shit I would encounter dealing wih the young broke dude, is the same ish as the older dude minus the brokeness.
First and foremost, they are needy. They want attention all day every day. Reassurance, need to know you love them, and aren’t gonna leave them. Want to know where you at and what you doing. Want all your weekends and time to be devoted to them. They can be demanding, If they are used to being the king of the hill. Previously married men are used to running the show and find it hard to grasp on to the idea of the independent woman. He has a desperate need to be needed. Complains about paying the bills, but loves paying the bills. Dig me? Wants you to ask for shit. Cash, clothes, purses. Will get you anyting you want, but wants that ass to ask. Needs constant affection. Older dudes have older bodies, and even tho the plumbing still kicks in quite nicely, you have to tolerate the softness, where your used to it being hard. As for the sex, you know the drill…Old dudes got skills
Mine wanted to close the deal effective immediately. Although some may be meek and want to tip toe through the next romance, my guy was ready to start anew asap. He was ret to move me in and get married. Didn’t want to move slow. Likes the routine of that place mat, that woman that is always there. It was okay at first. Nice to be the center of someones world. Then it got annoying. Any sign of resistance or lack of affection and it was on. They are not into playing games. A mismatch of personalites and generation. Old skool versus new school. Ex wife versus Pyt. Family is forever. Them kids, all that responsibilty would always be lingering in the background. How can you sleep knowing that the ex wife is laughing all the way to the bank. No matter what I would be in second place to the things that came before me. Too much to process. I got exhausted. I got out.
Twas’ a great experience for a young girl to see what its like to be a princess in the eyes of the king. Sets the bar high, I know what I deserve, what I can command, but also what I dont want. Shows the importance of starting out brand new with someone and building it from the ground up.
He misses me, he wants his girlfriend back. He is willing to do anything. Pay the bills so I dont have to work and can focus on my writing. Buy me the purses, the clothes, the excess. Get me that Range Rover. Put a ring on it.Love me. Just plain ol’ love me. What is a girl to do?
No comment…
Talk about a fucking hypocrite! Since it is absolutely imperative that I rev up my social life to balance out all this money getting, I figured I would have to come up with a way to keep my self entertained and out and about. With out subjecting myself to the stupidasses and lookeeloos that I constantly meet, I thought maybe, If I changed the people that I party with , then maybe the club won’t suck as much. Eureeka! This has solved my club conundrum. I knew that every club couldn’t be on that bullshit, cause then why would people party? And I have been to clubs that were pretty hot (in states other than LA , never LA), but just as of late, I was at parties that were promoted by the wrong people, contained the wrong clientele (hoodstars, ugly men/women in general, non-upwardly mobile/like minded/ambitious folks), and just had the wrong vibe.
In hollywood, people can tend to be so hard pressed to seem official (I have done this) that you don’t even fucking dance. You don’t enjoy yourself at all. And even though I got my little degree and I got my little official connects, I cant help but be my mother’s child, and this child, likes to gets crunk. I dance, I sweat, I laugh, and talk shit. I will sit and have a conversation in the club with a fool I know I don’t like or want, just because he came at me correct. Im an asshole at heart, but I will always continue to promote men acting right, regardless of whether I like they ass or not. You call it leading them on, I call it my civic duty to the women of America and beyond. Someone will want his ugly ass one day, and they will have me to thank for it. Anyway, I digress
The trick to capitalizing on the club scene and potentially making new friends/ networking, is by finding a club or place where the people you want to be around, frequent. Easy right? Everytime I left a function, thinking that it was so fucking wack, it was because I felt I did not gain anything. Not a dance, a number, a connect, not a nothing, but more shit to be mad about, and who the hell wants more of that?
Case in Point: Me and one of my road dogs have been very diligent in trying to figure out where the cool people (black people) in LA kick it at, on the daily. We are never the majority in any bar or social setting, so we were like damn, where are the black people hiding out? So we went online and did some digging and came across two things popping off for thursday night.
First was a professionals mixer at this spot called J bar in Downtown and then this old school 80-90’s party in Hollywood at a CLUB. Of course, immediately we were like hell to the no, but when I found out who was promoting it (people I had never heard of) and that a grammy award winning producer (9th wonder) was going to be spinning, something inside told me that the people in this party might be of substance. Usually the same kind of people stick with the same group so I knew for sure that there would be some fly folks in this piece. Good people know good music.
We went to the mixer first, and boy oh boy, was it filled with that ooh wee, the educated, losing they hair so they said fuck it im going bald, but still sexy kind of ooh wee! I’m like, finally! The lounge was ultra sexy and swanky and it was so many people there. We chatted up a few cats, drank some Reisling, and ordered calamari and pizza marguerita. Met a couple of men from the dorky ass variety, got stared at by even more (but as you read before, I have no time for the lookeeloos), and basically had a real chill time. Then the clock struck 10 pm and the black people filed out and the mexicans salsa’d in, and we knew it was time to go.
We get to the 80’s party and it’s a cool look, like 10 people in line (me likey, this means they are not having people just stand outside for fuck’s sake), then as soon as I walked up to the door girl (yup, it was a girl again) she smiled and asked if I was on the list. I said, nope, and she let my ass in anyway, free of charge (not that I would have paid, but its nice that I didn’t have to finagle my way in by spitting game to the gatekeepers, like usual) so we walk in and YES! It is poppin’. There are goodlooking men around, pretty girls, people are getting loose, the music is right. I was soooo happy… then my fucking face fell on the floor.
My dumb ass unofficial ex was in that motherfucker with his equally dumb ass friends. Why oh why, must this fucker manage to make his way into my life like 7 days straight! He been mentioned in like 3 post! Im like shit! Back back, gimme 50 feet! I immediately felt like my period was starting, by how serious my stomach cramped up and lurched. I went to the bathroom to hide and figure out what the fuck I was going do. I knew he would kill my night because I know his steez, and he goin be doing his best to be all in my face, but not in my face. Basically be everywhere I am, and act like its a damn accident. Fucking clown.
I guess his homeboys saw me run for cover and told his ass cause as soon as I exit the fucking bathroom there he is just fucking standing in my fucking way. I look to the ceiling like he is a figment of my imagination (nightmare) and he just blocks my shit. So I look him dead in his puerto rican ass face and push past him. Then I just made him evaporate and enjoyed my night. Shit, I wish.
Everytime I’m dancing with somebody, he looking or his friends looking. Im upstairs at the bar talking to this cutie pie from Idaho (lord knows I loves me a out of towner) and he all mean mugging and looking over taller peoples’ heads to see what the fuck Im doing. And if this wasn’t enough, Im internally embarassed (and my girl steady cracking jokes) that I used to like him, cause like I said before, he fucked his leg up and last time I checked he was in a cast on crutches. Well this fucking idiot, was limping around in the club! Is it ever that serious to get out the house, that you will limp? I am so ashamed that I know him. That just goes to show you that bomb personality can backfire on yo ass. He was real funny and entertaining, that’s why I dug him, but outside of the jokes, he was just, just, lame yo.
Anyway, I met a couple sexy ass dudes that no doubt will probably do some dumb shit and make it to a later post, but until then I am happy to announce, that this club had its shit way right (together)
There may be hope for my social life afterall
Have you heard that new banger by Usher? ” I wanna make love in this club, hey! In this club…etc” well, he is talking about the unexplainable attraction and chemistry that occurs between two strangers in that typical club atmosphere. While all the strange bodies are writhing around the dance floor in unison, you and that special guy (or girl) cannot stop making serious eye contact. You try to look away, so as to seem not so enthralled by what’s in front of you, they try to sip on their drink and two step a little to the beat, but at the end of the whole charade, once again your eyes meet. You might even do a little dirty dancing, if he has the nerve (balls) to ask you. But regardless, it is absolutely obvious that there is something going on, but nobody is making a move. You staring, he staring, but those feet are planted. Now what?
Case in Point: I have long since sworn off the club, except for special occasions and/or for those rare exclusive nights. But alas, I still find myself in those stupid mutherfuckers, making the same vow as before. Everytime I go, I say I am never going to go again, and then a month or two passes, and here I am. Well yesterday was one of my friends 25th birthday. We decided we would hit a couple spots (no clubs) to celebrate this milestone. I got dressed and invited a couple of people to roll out, but in the end the goddamn birthday girl flaked, claiming she felt like shit, (all the things she expected to be doing with herself by this age have yet to come to fruition so she was on her depressed tip) and you know that pissed me off. So me and the homegirl decided to roll out anyway, since we were already dressed up.
Our first stop on the anti-club circuit was to this karaoke bar I heard about, but we caught a rude awakening when we found out where it was located. West Hollywood. The land of the freakishly gay. We drive past the Fiesta Cantina and all you see is gay white men pouring out of the doorway. Of course, we kept on driving.
Next up, on the list was a showcase. This guy I had met a week prior, is like a rock/soul artist and he was having a show at Cinespace (which was originally like a dinner and a movie spot combined) so he told me to just come through and call him, and he would come get us in. Well in the typical hollywood club/venue scene, they love not letting you in the club and making you stand outside in line, to give the illusion that some real exclusive and official partying is going on inside. A club marketing tactic. Well I, don’t play that shit, and if I’m not escorted in by one of my connects or whoever almost immediately, than I’m out. I don’t wait to get into nobodies nothing you dig.AND I SURE THE HELL DONT PAY. I been in this city long enough to know that, 9 times out of 10 the party will be subpar and you will probably know everybody in there already, so why the hell would I pay for a replay? Anyway, when we get to the door they got this random as chick there guarding that shit like it’s the gates of heaven (women are the worst people to go up against when dealing with the door, because they always try to belittle the cute chicks, because they feel like they can) Well this tramp, had the audacity to be dressed like shit, and at the door! They should have hid her in the back cause she was just out of control. She had on a greenbay packers lam’ay (this shiny material) puffy winter coat, and its fucking April in LA. Come on bitch, get it together. She already lost her respect and authority at first glance so I already knew this was gonna be a task. I called the artist and told him to come rescue me from the jacket, and this faggot told me that he had no pull at the door! Now another typical occurence in fuckin Hollywood, or LA period is “lyingassness”. People love to act like they are more important than they are or have more juice than they really have to impress whoever they come in contact with. Well in this situation, I was quite irritated for two reasons. One, that fool lied, and two there was a club right next door, that I know for sure was goin let us walk right in without a hitch.
So we end up at the dumb ass fuckin club… and I am livid. We had another spot, Cozy’s Blues cafe on the anti-club list but it was all the way in Sherman Oaks and since LA basically ends at 2am, we wouldn’t have had enough time to drive there and enjoy ourselves, before it was over, soooo… here we are.
We go up into this tiny ass club called Vice (the clubs in LA are sooo fuckin small) and there aint really nobody there. The DJ is extra ass playing old Michael Jackson and Luther (the shit you supposed to play at the end) and we are like, damn, a wasted outfit (majority of the things I do center around the outfit). So we stick around and clown for about 10 minutes and then decide we are going to call it. Right when the heels or our shoes turn to exit, in walks a choo choo train of men. I swear, they just came out of no where. We looked at eachother, and decided we would stay put. Wrong move. The night continued to be ass, but with one caveat. I had found my love in the club.
He was tall, lean, and dark. He had a basketball player’s lanky physique (my fuckin favorite) and he was dressed cool. Simple hoody, hot jeans, clean shoes. OOh WEe. Well we commensed to do the dance. The let’s accidently stare at eachother all damn night dance. The dance that’s cool for the first 15 minutes, but then bullshit after half and hour, because if the man aint moving nothing in X amount of time, I’m officially over it. And thats exactly what he did.
He stared and stared and then when he saw me get up, he got up to somewhat stand in my path. I walked past him, he turned around to look back, and I smiled at his ass as I left that shit. I hope he had a girl or wasn’t truly interested, and was just looking, but what I really hope is that he dug me, and felt stupid that his too cool for school demeanor, caused him to, not meet me. Ah well, another day, another dummy. Ultimately, the galaxies will align and these club clowns will get their love in the club shit together.
But until then, I will just continue to pout…because he sure was cute
I need a camera crew, or at least a little asian chick running up behind me taking notes, because there are just several moments in my life that are fucking hysterical! Why oh why, do I attract such idiots. They say you attract what you are or something like that, but I’m like shit, I guess I aint shit, cause these fools that I USED TO know (like) is just off the chain. I don’t know if I’m blinded in the beginning and then I see the damn light. But I swear they whole existence be in the shitter by time I’m done with them. Could it be, that life with out me, makes even the greatest man, go bad. Could be…
Case in Point: The first official ex that I dropped back in highschool (my real true pure innocent first love) promptly got kicked out shortly after we split because the town gay (resident gay dude cheerleader) claimed that he hit that, so my ex ran up in his classroom (while it was in session!) and thrashed his ass. The district pressed charges, called it a hate crime, and he went to jail. He never graduated, and what used to be a prospect for college ball became a drug dealer turned crack head (with a missing front tooth to match) who still lives with his parents in the ghetto, and I just found out today that his pops (a janitor) got removed from our old highschool (where he worked like 15yrs) because of some drama that he got into with a female student! Both of those boys was rolling stones.
Then there was the next ex (hey that rhymes!) who was an out of towner, and got caught up in all this LA glory, he too succumbed to the bullshit that the streets provide and I ended up lapping him (passing his life game up). Even though he was a couple years older than me, he was still lagging behind. Now he damn near 30 and still big kicking it at his cousins house, sleeping on the couch, unemployed and uninspired. Damn homie.
Then there is the unofficials, one got shot the hell up a couple times, another got like 3 kids from 4 chicks! Naw, its 3 kids, 2 chicks, but alot of drama nonetheless. With the most recent rejects, one done blew the fuck up. EWW! He fat. Its all in his face and shit, and it seem like his dress game done fell on hard times as well. Everytime I see him, he got on the same dusty (stankin ass) airmax and he a super senior, can’t graduate for shit! Lucky for him, something else on his body stayed the same or goodness gracious, he’d be a waste of space! Then the other lame-o who can’t seem to figure out whether he hate me or not (cause he be on his lovey dovey tip hittin me up all the time, till I shoot him down, then it’s like fuck me again of course) immediately after we were through he tore his acl or some serious ligament in his leg and was in the hospital, then got a grey’s anatomy wannabe for a doctor and they botched his surgery. Had his leg looking like a sweet potato. Then that shit caught a gross ass staph infection and it was pouring bloody mary all over the damn place. So he had to get surgery again, and now he got staples all through his knee. YUCK! His dumb ass sure was calling me begging me to come visit him in the ’spital. I get there, he look like hellraiser. He needed a haircut, a shave, a bath, and a fuckin clue. I’m like whew, lucky me, I don’t have to be his right hand man, right now! It’s like after they try to play me, life plays them…aint that some shit… to smile about.
I don’t know what to say about these guys except, I hope they get they ish together. But, I must admit, there aint nothing better than running into an ex and seeing that you doing better than them.
Preach
Have you ever had the pleasure of knowing and/or dating a libra? Well I am one of those librans and there are many quirks to our existance, but one of the most prevalent character traits we employ, is friendship. Or better yet, the ability to be cool with everybody. And when I say everybody, I mean Everybody. From that chick you fucking hate, that boss you want to strangle, or that ex that cheated on you, you can’t help but to still be a cool cat even after some shit has went down. I have tried SO HARD, to hold grudges, but all and all people, it is impossible for me, after the drama has ensued and the dust settles, Im like whatever. I don’t have to particularly care for a person, but I will be cool with them…to a fault.
Case in point: My ex boyfriends and/or men I have dated/talked to (or those who unsuccessfully pursued me) don’t ever seem to go the fuck away. Is part of this my fault, but of course, but at the same time, everyone has to take responsibilty for the bounceback factor.
I have had 3 official boyfriends (the ones I claim) and 3 unofficials (boyfriends of convenience, or super short relationships, that frankly my dear don’t fuckin count) and I have also had a plethora of men that I dated/talked to (went out with/big kicked it with/ talked on the phone to damn much with- but nothing serious), and then the lame-oes(talked on the phone or facebooked/myspaced but never really made it past the preliminaries) and all these (no seriously, damn near all of them), still hit me up on a regular basis. They may have girlfriends and what not but they still hit me up, and be talking that jibber jabber about us getting back together or trying again, and I’m like huh? Now don’t get me wrong I am still cool with everybody I have ever encountered for the most part, and yeah its alright to catch up and shoot the breeze and maybe even laugh about the good ol’ days, but thats where it stops. Just because I answer when you call, or just because I hit you up once in while to say yo (when Im bored usually) don’t mean Im trying to do a do-over or make another love connection. It is what it is.
Recently, I had an ex (official) come to town and had an ex (unofficial) on the phone all day. EX #1 spent a shitload of energy trying to see me even though he has a girlfriend at the moment and EX #2 spent a bigger load of energy trying to act like he wasn’t tripping no more, yet continued to beg me to go to a damn movie with him/see him period!. Now I can understand If you genuinely miss someone or appreciate their company and you want to be around them, but what I don’t get is how these clowns can’t seem to identify the line between ‘used to’ and ‘not no more’. I USED TO be your girl, so I used to chill with you, you had priviledges, but since Im NOT NO MORE, hell naw I aint coming to see you, back that ass up. I know what its hitting for. Yeah, we buddies and all that jazz, but buddies, meet up and go places, buddies chat once in a while to catch up, buddies do shit out in the open with alot of innocent bystanders around, and some times buddies post at the crib and watch a movie. Now this would be all fine and dandy if these buddies had no previous ties or if these buddies weren’t attracted to eachother, or furthermore if these buddies, kept their past in the past and one of the buddies wasn’t still trying to get it poppin. But what in the world would make you think that I would set my self up for the ‘throwback excursion’ by coming to your crib (or lettin you come to mine) just so you can sprinkle some crack on me and get me back in the same dumb ass position (literally) I was in before. We are obviously not together for a reason, either you fucked us off (most likely) or I fucked us off, but either way, we are a wrap.
Now on another note, the officials and unofficials come in handy when you are trying to piss someone off, need scheduled maintenance (act like you know), or just want some company from someone you enjoy, but people lets keep it funky. There is always a deeper meaning, and an underlying method to the madness, I would just really appreciate it more, if you guys would just keep it one hundred, or at the very least be much more sneaky and tactful about trying to catch me slipping.
Step your throwback game up please… for the sake of America, and my day time minutes
Is it just me or are majority of my friends on that bullshit? Now mind you, we all got degrees and we got extremely fulls lives with agendas, schedules, and social functions to keep us nice and fulfilled. But at the end of the day, or more appropriately, the end of the month, they aint got no dough! What is everybody doing with their money? My girls are too cute to pay for drinks, dinners, and club access. My boys are too fine to trick off excess on unworthy chicks, so where is the money going. None of the homegirls is walking around in Gucci pumps and Fendi jackets, nor are my homeboys rolling big body Benzes and Escalades. But alas, somehow some way when its time to go on a exotic vacation, a cruise maybe, or just a fresh ass night on the town. These hoes aint got no ends! I’m confused. I know student loans are a bitch, rent is off the chain, and credit cards, randomness, and life in general can take a toll. But when you NEVER have no money to enjoy being 20, child and drama free, its irks me the hell out. What the fuck are they doing with they money? Let’s get it together people…
Filed under: Money | Tags: emergency fund, free money, interest, Money, saving, SuzeeOrman.com
If you go to SuzeOrman.com (she’s that chick that be on television all the time talking about getting your money right) she has a cool ass offer from TD AMERITRADE. If you open a HIGH INTEREST YIELDING SAVINGS ACCOUNT by Monday, March 31st, they will credit you $100. The account pays 2.75% towards your money and if you can just invest a simple $50 (automatic debit) every month for 12 months, they will credit the cash to your account. This is an easy way for you to get started saving and make a quick $100 in the process. But hurry up, cause the offer ends in like 3 days.
And since we are talking about savings accounts, I thought I’d give you guys some quick info on the different types and their uses.
LOW MONEY SAVINGS
Of course you have the basic savings account at your local Bank of America or Washington Mutual. These accounts pay very little interest, like 0.5 -1%. You ever look at your bank statement and see that you made 2 cents last year? Well that’s the interest they pay you for letting your money post up in their establishment (basically you are letting them borrow yo money). Did you know that they take your money, that they pay you a funky 2cents on, and invest it in the stock market, use it to give people personal/mortgage loans, and credit cards? They make crazy millions off yo shit, and then say thanks homee by givin you some pennies. Ain’t that a bitch?
So you may be thinking, “I only got like $200 in there so how they gettin millions?” Well think about how many people use Bank of America…millions. So if millions of people are just like you and got only a couple hundred in the bank, then thats hundreds of millions shawty. Dig me?
These type of accounts should only have like $250-1000 in them for immediate emergencies where you need the money like yesterday.
MID MONEY SAVINGS
Then there are other ways to save that pay you more interest. Hell, if you let the homee borrow yo spot to bring a chick over cause his mom’s aint having it, then I’m sure he will hook you up in exchange for you being so nice. Maybe he’ll let you hold something, maybe let you ghost ride his whip (yes dudes that live with they moms have the nerve to have nice ass cars),maybe let you run a train on that chick (choo! choo!) but basically, he showing his appreciation for your ‘lending’ him yo spot. So that is what a online account/high interest yielding account does. They pay you like 4-5% to do the same thing with your money as Bank of America but the reason they pay more is because they are online. They dont have to pay those extra bills (overhead) associated with atms and bank buildings that you walk into to deposit your check so they are able to hook you up more.
The best accounts to go for are those that compound daily (Emigrant Direct is who I use, but Ing or TD Ameritrade is cool too). This means that your money is making money daily and then on the last day of the month they credit all that you made, to what you already have in there. The interest rates you get can change from time to time depending on whats going on in the rest of the world. But either which of way, whether you gettin 3% or 5%, at least you getting something. The trick is to never touch the money, that way, your initial deposit + the interest they pay you just keeps getting folded. Then at the end of the year you get a statement saying you made $200 this year, and yo ass didn’t even do shit. Sure beats that punk ass 2 cents.
This account should be used as an EMERGENCY FUND. An emergency fund is the dough you got set aside for big situations like, you lose yo job, or you get hurt and can’t work, or your car break down, just some loot stashed away just in case some serious money ish go down. It usually takes like 48hrs to transfer your money out for withdrawals, thats why it is a good way to keep you from fuckin your savings off cause you cant just up and get it on an impulse. Its only tapped in extreme situations and if you lucky, nothing will happen and your stash will just keep going and going.
OTHER MID MONEY SAVINGS
You can also get a MONEY MARKET account, a BOND or a CD (certificate of deposit). In a MM, you still gain interest on your money but you also have the choice of investing in the stock market and maybe getting more than 4-5%. Its doesn’t cost alot to buy certain stocks to play with but it does cost alot when you trading money around from this stock to the other because you see your money going up and down. Stocks are better bought then left the hell alone if you aint a G at that shit, but we’ll get to that at a different time.
With CD’s and Bonds you basically put the money away for a set amount of time (6 mons, 12 mons, 12 years, whatever) and you get a guaranteed interest rate, meaning no matter what’s going on elsewhere you getting your money. The downside to these is that your money is not accessible till the time period elapses and if you do take the money out you will have to pay a penalty. Also if you lock in a 5% rate and then the market(the rest of world) is poppin and rates go up to 7%, you only gonna get 5%. But like I said something is better than nothing and everything is better that 2 got damn cents.
Their are several BIG MONEY SAVINGS available but we will talk about that later, right now I just want ya’ll to take your first step up and get a damn savings account.
Ta Ta Bitches
I will like to start off by saying thanks for visiting and I hope you find this blog mad entertaining and enlightening.
Now, let’s get this thang poppin’. What issues are you people dealing with that are preventing you from getting your ish together?
-Money problems?
-Honey problems?
-Swagger problems?
-Yo Parents trippin? Yo Girl trippin? Yo Man trippin? Yo friends trippin? Who trippin on you and why?
-You on yo sad and depressed tip?
-Can’t get your gear tight, yo hair right?
Whats going on with ya’ll? I’m no superhero but I will take the time out to research some shit and give you a good ass answer ..so holler if you hear me!
